I am more of a George Carlin kind of guy, but the death of Robin
Williams has really touched me. He was
depressed. He committed suicide. Funny, brilliant, hyper, and talented beyond
belief he could not hold the internal cannibalistic beast at bay any longer and
self-destructed. So sad. I do not know the link between depression and
comedians, though I suspect there is one.
I do know the link between depression and addiction. Williams suffered both, as do many
others. Depressed people will seek
anything to ease the pain within.
An estimated 121 million people on planet earth suffer from depression,
and 1 in 10 Americans suffer from depression at one point or another. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death
in people between the ages of 18 and 65.
The folks who choose to end their lives do so because they are
depressed. There appears to be no way
out. There is no solace for the pain, no
meds, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing that will ease the sense of worthlessness,
of rejection, of abandonment, of failure.
Depressed people cannot simply “snap out of it.” Depression is not a character flaw, it is a
disease. Depressed people are as likely
to self-cure as cancer victims.
Depressed people control their feelings as much as they control the weather. Dark skies descend and there is nothing that
can be done save huddling inside. People
who do not suffer from depression simply do not get it. For non-depressed people to judge and
prescribe for depressed people is akin to white males talking about growing up
as a black male in America. Cannot be done.
Until very recently victims of depression hid their disease. Many became the life of the party, the quick
wits, the consistently jolly and publicly positive. All of that is a mask. Many simply hibernated and avoided contact
with others for fear they will encounter more rejection, more pain, more
failure. Recently, those who suffer from
depression are coming out, letting the world know they are depressed, they are
fighting it, and they intend to win.
Such coming out is very scary.
For every person who knows about and understands depression there are
dozens of others who fear it, who perceive it as a personality disorder or a
character weakness. Admitting to the
world that you are depressed sets you up for even more judgment, more
rejection, and more pain.
I “came out” in September of 2012 and confessed my disease. I believe it contributed to the end of my tenure
as superintendent. I do not know that
for sure, but those feelings at least are consistent with the attributes of
depression. Like many other depressed
folks I do not think many knew I suffered from depression and have suffered
from depression since my first serious bout in high school. I functioned.
I performed. I was publicly successful. I happen to think that many school
superintendents suffer from depression. It
was with the announcement that I was depressed that those of narrow minds and
little understanding gave up on me. Rejecting
a depressed person is like handing a cigarette to someone with lung
cancer. I find it almost funny that
during the times of my most severe depression I was considered most
successful. When I shared that I was
depressed I was in a better place than many other times. If I had cancer I suspect I would still be
superintendent. If I had a heart attack
I suspect I would still be superintendent.
But I suffer from depression. My
advice to other school administrators who suffer from depression is to continue
to hide it. You may confess that you are
diabetic, or have COPD, or have cancer, or have high blood pressure, or are
obese, or any other ailment that is perceived to be beyond your control. But to confess to the disease of depression
can be a career ending event.
Robin Williams suffered from depression. Only a very few closest to him new that he
was depressed. No one would have guessed
watching him perform. Robin Williams has
now escaped the pain. I get it.
RIP Robin Williams. You amazed
me and made me laugh, and now you break my heart.
Another insightful piece ( and one that should be published so that more can read it)
ReplyDelete" I functioned, I performed, I was publicly successful"
You might add, I am very intelligent and well educated. This seems to be another symptom of the disease.
I always thought you seemed calm and collected, pleasant and friendly to everyone, smart, handsome, mature beyond your years - the perfect guy.
I married a man like that, but he was drinking 3 scotches a day and miserable at night. He was that way when I married him and he is still that way - he found a secretary who he thought was his, " soul mate" and they are more miserable than ever.
I get disgusted with friends who are sure that George Bush was a great President and that the world was created 6,000 years ago in 24 hours. They also can be amused by "Dancing with the Stars" and think that Sarah Palin is a role model.
They seem so content with their lives - and I think they are!
My present husband jokes a lot, is outwardly happy and he is really, but in 1994, a young woman decided to sit on the railroad tracks in front of the train that he was engineering. He can still hear her bones cracking at times under the wheels of the engine and has dreams, but he had to go on with his life. She has no idea what she did to a man's life.
We never know the truth, do we? Maybe some people " know too much".
Oh my, my friend. It does seem that some can face major tragedies, recover and find joy. I lack that ability. And yes, our current political polarization is depressing and I long for thoughtful, enlightened discourse. You are a good friend, Dinah. Hang in.
DeleteI remember that my Dad actually discussed that he was sometimes depressed. He was always laughing and joking, but had times that he lost his temper if something went wrong ( sometimes Houston traffic) He always stopped short of getting really upset. He would say something like, " well, they are hurrying to get to a wreck". It took me a few years to stop wondering how he knew this...
ReplyDeleteHis father had been institutionalized with depression for a time after he hit a woman who stepped off of the curb in front of his mail truck. He was not blamed for the accident, and it was snowing in Detroit, but my Dad said that his Dad was never the same. I remember that my grandfather was often very quiet and did not talk very much. Years later, when he was in a nursing home, and given meds, he went back to being the joking, funny person he had been before.
I just remember my Dad saying that he had to " fight depression" and I believe that he did.Luckily he really liked his job as chief engineer at Channel 2 - going on remotes at NASA, meeting movie stars, televising baseball and football games. I read that often people who are prone to depression are very talented and successful in their careers.
I have mentioned my other grandfather, the school superintendent who was fired for wanting to integrate the RR schools. He was later the Supt. of the Gatesville State School for Boys and my brother and I recently discovered an article printed in the Dallas Morning News. It recounts that a young man escaped and beat a guard to death with a bat. After a graphic description, it goes on, Mr. Perry was enjoying a vacation in Colorado at the time. My grandfather rarely took vacations - we usually went there to visit them because the boys sometimes did run away on the weekends. My brother and I really had no idea about the pressure of the job and I know that my grandfather was sometimes reserved of lost his temper easily during this time. He and my grandmother enjoyed several years of living on their farm and raising a few livestock and growing a garden, fishing in the creek. We grandchildren visited often and it was probably the happiest time of their lives.
I took meds for a short time after my divorce. I went to a counselor and she suggested it, but I realize now that this was the worse time of my life because my judgement was impaired. Yes, I was depressed, but only after I began going to a singles class at church and developed a new group of friends who all understood the situation, did I begin to improve and accept my new life. I have some friends who take meds. and swear that it improves their quality of life.
Luckily you have a good family life and a loving wife, but losing your job was a lot like a divorce. Someone tells you that they do not approve of you any more and want you to leave. The person you thought you loved and had built a life with comes in one day and tells you that " they don't love you anymore". Kind of like you have been hit over the head with a hammer... You are the kind of person who works hard, a high achiever who does not like to make mistakes. Maybe you are too hard on yourself. The singing group is a good outlet. Could you try to think of retirement as a good thing? I don't mean to be simplistic, but you should write a book, spend time with grandchildren, travel, volunteer in some way. Some of my friends do that, I did lots of volunteering in my other life. I was once told that my teaching job should be considered a " public service". I had enough of that. My husband's best friend recently died of cancer just before his retirement began. My own father died at 59 and he had so many plans for retirement that never happened. Oh right, you are not supposed to tell a depressed person to " snap out of it" . I am not doing that - you needed time to grieve and recover from a terrible shock that was both unfair and unwarranted. You will never really forget it, but you have lots of time to " begin again" as Dr. Gerald Mann has said.
I rattle on, but since we retired we have become the owners of a 1996 Corvette and a 2002 T Bird. We have become members of the TBird club and spend time with group who do not discuss politics or religion - just cars and going on trips! We visit, go out to eat and have car shows. Danny and I both like cars we have discovered. These cars are not very expensive, really. We have found elderly people who can no longer enjoy driving them, but kept very good care of them.
ReplyDeleteWe tried camping, but the trailer business is frankly a lot of work. We do like going out to National parks, etc. Our old trailer was destroyed by hail and we have not bought another. We are thinking that staying in cabins or motels is " just fine". But if we find a trailer that was barely used... who knows.
I am a big fan of both George Carlin and Robin Williams, and was absolutely saddened to hear about each of their passing. Depression is a word that everyone throws around casually, yet fail to understand how it really affects someone's daily regimen. It's not easy to open up about it, and once someone decides to mask it, it becomes hard to take off of it or take notice of it. That is why we are left in surprise when we learn that someone so witty and consistently jolly passes away because of depression. All I can say is that Robin Williams was a great actor, and an even greater person. May his adored soul rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteRosalina Harford @ Core Therapy Associates
Thank you and Amen.
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