Precious and Flawed

Just finished my morning routine of checking in on http://www.texasisd.com/ to see what is happening in education across the state.  You may not care, but I do.  This website scans all the newspapers in the state and posts links to all the articles published relative to public education in Texas.  For me it is a wonderful way to monitor trends, identify common issues and concerns, and get the media’s take on what we are all doing well and in what areas we are falling short. 

I am saddened after today’s review.  It appears that a large number of our fellow educators are in trouble for stealing funds or having sex with students.  Money, drugs/alcohol, and inappropriate sex.  It is my observation that more professional educators get in trouble over these three issues than any other.  And, it always makes the headlines.  We may be shocked to discover that one of our leaders had an affair as is the current news regarding General Petraeus.  But our communities are outraged when an educator is charged with any of these human frailties.  Why is that?

We are public servants.  We are paid by taxes collected from the public.  We spend all day with the children of our communities.  Our public expects us to operate on a higher moral platform than other folks.  I get that.  My dad was a minister and from earliest childhood I was taught that the way I acted in public was a direct reflection on my father.  In other words, be good all the time.  An assignment I woefully and consistently failed, but I knew the pressure and understood the rationale.

I believe God doesn’t make junk.  All humans are both flawed and precious.  We all make mistakes.  We are all sinners.  We are all worthy of love.  We all are tempted to find ways to ease pain, get ahead, maintain our sense of security, or establish our self-worth.  Some of those efforts are immoral or illegal, and carry heavy consequences.  Some are just silly and harmless; and some are actually productive. 

Two things come to mind for me.  One is I used to do a workshop called “Defending Perfection or Pursuing Improvement.”  In this workshop we would talk about attributes of people whom for whatever reason are determined to be right, see the world from only one point of view, and spend an incredible amount of energy defending their perfection, their view, their paradigm.  These folks are very difficult to deal with because they start with the assumption that their view is the correct view and there is no dialog, no negotiation, and no consideration of the possible flaw.  They are perfect.  If things go wrong it must be someone else’s fault.  On the other hand, folks who recognize they are flawed and imperfect and are constantly seeking ways to improve, whether that is professionally or personally, are open to new ideas, new strategies, learning new lessons, etc. 

The second thing that comes to mind is the birth of my son.  I was there with Debbie while she was in labor and I was coaching, breath in, breath out, etc. like it made much difference.  Debbie was in agony, she was under the influence of meds, and she screamed at me, “I hate you!  Look at what you did to me!” as well as other phrases I will not share, and she tore my surgical smock. 

These two events are related.  I could have judged Debbie based on what she said to me in the delivery room, or I could write it off as the response to incredible pain and drugs and not the real Debbie.  That is what I did, because I had a host of evidence to the contrary.  We laugh about it now.  If I perceived myself to be perfect it makes it very hard to forgive those who are not.  How dare she say those things to me?  I could have judged her for her words under duress, but I did not.  I knew that was not her.

People who see themselves as perfect have a hard time forgiving.  They have a hard time allowing a second chance.  They have a hard time accepting both the flawed and precious notion of the human reality.  They have a zero tolerance view of the world, the tolerance that is not allowed is anything with which they disapprove or disagree or find threatening.

Some behaviors carry consequences beyond interpersonal forgiveness.  An employee that sleeps with a student, an employee that steals money, and an employee that endangers themselves and others by being under the influence of something – all these behaviors carry consequences.  We must keep student safety foremost in our decision making, and if an adult employee is a threat to kids or others then we must remove them from employment.  However, many flawed behaviors deserve a second chance in my book. 

I am not perfect.  I have made plenty of mistakes.  I am only able to do this job because many people along the way have forgiven me, have given me a second chance; have recognized I am both flawed and precious. 

I believe you are too.  Do your best.  Do the right thing.  If you need help, ask for it.  Be ready to forgive others if they disappoint you.  Please know that you and I are both precious and flawed. 

I know.