6th Graders

I was a public school educator in various roles for 40 years. I remain ignorant of elementary school. I have never taught there or managed there. The only elementary kids I know are my kids and my grandkids.

Secondary kids I know.  I spent years teaching high school students and years as an assistant principal at a junior high, a.k.a., middle school.  I know kids from grades 6 to 12 very well.  Each of these kids is unique, but they all share some common characteristics by age and grade level.  My reflection tonight is on 6^th graders. Those kids who have finally escaped elementary regime for a taste of secondary freedom.  They do not have to walk in a line.  They are trusted to get to their own classes on their own.  Subjects come at them discreetly rather than by block of time covering multiple disciplines.  They can make choices in the lunch room.  Their parents no longer send them to the big yellow limousines nor meet them at the curb when they are delivered back home.  6^th graders are way cool, as they know, or at least until an 8^th grader shows up.  But left to their own devices, 6^th graders are 11 or 12-year-old children now blessed with some adult decisions to make, but somehow remain free from recognizing the consequences of those decisions.  They claim adulthood, not because they have earned it, but because they are as tall as some of their teachers and parents.   There have been many an adult driven totally bonkers by a sixth grader.   Child-like adults with an enhanced vocabulary, an understanding of math and science and history are smart enough to know their time is coming even if it has yet arrived.  Nose-to-nose they will back down, but they do not want to.  Being an adult cannot be just about age, they will argue, it is about knowing and understanding everything, and now that they know and understand everything, well, except the opposite sex, they must surely be eligible to wear the badge “adult.”

Wrong.  It is a mistake to assume they are adult though any 6^th grader you love will lobby for that moniker.  So, lets take some areas of the human experience and compare 6^th graders to adults and see how that turns out.

Feelings.  Yes, 6^th graders have feelings.  Deep feelings.  They can feel outstanding and successful then dreadful and a failure in a matter of minutes.  Much of their feelings are ego-centric.  They feel, those feelings can now be articulated, so those feelings must be real. They feel, therefore they are.  But they feel without boundaries and without defenses.

As a first-year principal at a junior high I clearly remember Sue, the young lady sent to my office in tears, sobbing so hard she could hardly catch her breath.  I waited her out after making sure she was not in physical pain and that no one she knew was in physical pain or danger.  Then we sat.  15 or 20 minutes, her crying, me waiting.  Finally, Sue asked me if I knew Jane, another 6th-grade girl.  Yes, I knew Jane.  Great kid, good student, popular, funny.  That was a mistake to label Jane in a positive way before Sue who sat across the desk from me.  More tears.  What’s wrong with Jane, I asked. " Oh nothing, she is fine.  She used to be my best friend.  But when I saw her this morning she was walking Erica to class instead of me and Jane did not even say hi.  I guess we are not best friends anymore.  Boo-Hoo."  I am an idiot.  I am still waiting to hear what the problem is while I am watching a life-level crisis unfold.  Jane did not speak.  Sue was devastated.  Sue had strong feelings and Jane just smashed right through them.  Didn’t Jane know that as Sue’s best friend she had responsibilities to care for Sue’s feelings?   Nope.   Hard lesson.  Jane does not have to be your best friend for you to be a worthwhile person.  That’s 6^th grade.  Best friends are really big deals and by designation come with all sorts of baggage and responsibilities that are not listed anywhere but in the heart of the other friend. 

It did not take long for Sue to morph from heartbroken to vengeful.  She began to itemize all the little ways she could hurt Jane.  She could call her names, make fun of her, ban her from other groups, laugh at her in class, avoid her in the lunch room, on and on.  She could make sure Jane was not invited to birthday parties or days at an arcade.  Sue could be vengeful and seek retribution.  Sue did not want to hear those adults, people who have really grown up, do not do that.  It is hard, but it is those hard lessons 6^th graders have yet to have and they cannot see them coming.  For now, dishing out punishment to people who have hurt her is enough.  If they could respond appropriately to such a setting there would be no tears, no bitter recriminations, no necessity for some other person to determine their worth.  Sue is OK just as she is, though Sue doesn’t know it yet.  Years later as an adult she can look back and laugh, but not today.

Behaviors.  6^th graders are notorious for acting without thinking, or saying anything to get a laugh or attention from various audiences.  Nothing worse for a 6^th grader than to be ignored.  6^th grade boys will pull ponytails and 6th-grade girls will rip off the hanging hook on the back of nice shirts.   These same kids who fear becoming the target of ridicule will go to any lengths to ridicule others so that by putting others down they somehow elevate themselves.  “I didn’t mean to hit her with the orange I threw in the cafeteria, she just got in the way.  We were just playing.”   Or, “I didn’t mean to make him cry when I called him chrome mouth.  He wears braces and that is just a nickname.”  6^th graders cannot take either slapstick or word play humor.  The result will always be boundary forming, other blaming, retribution, or flat-out punishment.   And all the behaviors will be displayed without malice or forethought according to the kids who have yet to learn that thrown things do eventually fall to earth and word zingers do eventually pierce hearts.  6^th graders simply do not understand treating others as one wants to be treated.  That phrase is Greek to them. And when something does go wrong, when homework is forgotten or a younger sibling gets hurt or a mess is made it is always someone else’s fault.  6th graders are perfect.

Groups/Clans.  Every 6^th grader wants to belong to something bigger than himself or herself.  Exclusion, or worse, banishment is the punishment of death for without a group one does not exist.  If a 6^th grader is chosen to play on a team in PE, he or she will choose their friends to be on the same team and will not weigh their athletic talent or abilities.  Friendship counts more than the score.  Some 6^th graders will walk down the hall alone, but they will be bullied for such defiance.  Most will walk in a loosely formed covey or mobile wall.  Commiseration ranks high in the group dialog as members confirm that some teachers are just jerks, some principals are just stupid, and some moms are just cool.   Having been blessed or cursed these adults feel the accolades or the albatross but can do little about it.  It is the group that matters and the group that will trample the very rights these kids fight for with their parents that they quickly abandon with their peers.  Freedom of speech?  Parents will not grant that and the kid will merit vitriol.  The group will declare the adjectives for other groups and other students and no one in the group dare disagree for fear of group abandonment.  Stacey is hot whether any other guy in the group thinks so or not.  6th graders are not above the peer pressure, they are the masters of it. 

6^th graders have selective memory, thus remaining childlike rather than adult-like.  They know what is appropriate and what is inappropriate.  They know what is OK and what is bad.  They know what is allowed and what is not allowed.  They just have brief memory loss when there is something they want to do.  Inappropriate, bad, not allowed, duh.  What’s that.  These kids hate rules but as soon as they are left on their own, they make really tough rules.  Kids are not encouraged to jump from group to group and explore various interests, they are strongly encouraged to follow the rules and norms of their group without question.

So why have I spent so much time thinking about 6^th graders as pseudo adults, as thin-skinned, vengeful, spiteful, retributional people who prefer to ignore rules but rigidly enforce their own rules, and people who will banish anyone who does not think like the group of choice thinks?  Because we have a 6th-grade President.

If Trump was a 6^th grader, he would fire anyone who previously attacked him or belittled him.  He would promote any loyal friend regardless of talent or expertise.  He would ignore rules, both formal and informal, but figuratively behead anyone who breaks one of his rules.  He would find that group he supports and supports him in return.  And nothing will hurt more than having a bestie turn on him and criticize him for child-like behaviors even when the bestie is right and the behaviors are labeled accurately.  Gulf of America, Greenland, Canada are all ploys to stir-up non adults who cannot recognize that he is just silly.  His own group of loyalists would never say so.  And he has important friends like Musk and Putin and Jong Un so we should all go ooh and ahh.  He will support groups that are not only destroying more than just one country to become richer, they are destroying the only planet we can live on. Trump is perfect.  You will never hear him apologize and when things do not go his way it is always someone else’s fault.  Always.

And if we do not start seeing Trump as the 6^th grader he is we will continue to head down the wrong path faster and faster.  Trump is a thin-skinned child who sees himself as a genius just as every 6^th grader sees themselves.  He is not.  He speaks at the 6th-grade level and uses syntax of less than that.  He has a gift for calling people names and assigning nicknames, but that also places him clearly in the 6^th grade ranks.  And compromise, effort toward the greater good is anathema to him because he must live in a win-lose world, not an adult world.  Every highly complex human problem has a simple solution.  And it is wrong.  Walls, deportation planes, detention centers, tariffs, and purging enemies who are fellow citizens are simple solutions and they are wrong.

Doubt me?  Spend some time with a 6^th grader.