Santa Subject to School Reformers!

What if the school reformers turned their attention from public schools to Santa Clause?

First, we would have to set accountability standards for the elves.  How many toys and of what kind can they produce?  We will find out on one day of high stakes toy making when each elf must complete the construction of their assigned toy within a given time limit.  If they fail to complete, they fail.  If the toy does not work, they fail.  Every elf that fails must receive additional training in toy making.  We will conduct this test on December 24^th.

We must look at the standards for toy construction as well.  Every toy should have a common core.  Every toy should have a blue print, established standards, level of difficulty, etc. etc.  Given these standards, the high stakes toy making test will become more meaningful via toy alignment.

We must look at accountability standards for Santa.  His job is to get high levels of production out of the elves.  If the number of elves who fail to meet the high stakes toy making standards does not go down, Santa will first have to write a plan, and then eventually may be fired.  Santa’s workshop at the North Pole can be closed in such a case and re-opened by private sector toy makers.

We must also look at Santa’s own internal sense of accountability.  What does it mean to be “naughty”?  What does it mean to be “nice”?  Who gets to decide?  These decisions are far too important to leave in the hands of a local icon.  New standards must be set for the recipients of the toys and judged by an external panel based on scientific based research.

Funding?  Where does the money come from to operate Santa’s workshop?  Clearly, Santa is on the public dole because all he hires are workers with the same disability:  short.  We must find a way to force Santa to hire non-elves as elves are very difficult to fire.  Perhaps a Santa Right to Work Clause. 

Why are the toys simply given away?  Why are the toys free?  Isn’t that socialism?  We must cut the funding and increase our expectations for the production in the workshop.  Should Santa fail to meet the goals, we will open toy charters who can receive a portion of his money and produce toys that they sell to make money.

After a couple of years of real accountability it will be clear that we need to fire Santa, dismiss the elves, and turn the whole operation over to the private sector.  Surely kids will be happier.  We know the private sector toy makers will be.  It is not fair for a subsidized program to compete with the private sector, and the problem with Santa’s program is it lacks private sector accountability.  Goodbye Santa.  Welcome Charter Clause and Toy Charters.

Ho Ho Ho